Breakfast of Champions

Greek Yogurt Parfait with blueberry, raspberry, kiwi, mango and oat flakes.

Total calories 291
Total Fat 3g
Saturated Fat 0.3g
Cholesterol 0g
Sodium 80mg
Potassium 505mg
Fiber 6.6g (26%)
Sugar 35g
Protein 15.3
Vitamin A 3,234IU (65%)
Vitamin C 108mg (144%)
Iron 1.2mg (7%)
Calcium 190mg (19%)

Calorie Inequality



(Photo credit: http://www.thelazycaveman.com/)

I've been struggling the past few days trying to find a balance between meeting my daily calories while not going over on "bad" nutrients (fat, sodium, cholesterol) and getting enough "good" nutrients (vitamins, minerals, etc).  I'm generally able to stay well within my calorie allowance for the day, but either don't get enough of something or too much of something else...I feel like a tightrope artist practicing funambulism!

One important thing that I'm learning is how to select low-calorie, nutritionally dense foods so that I'm able to eat a large enough portion to feel satisfied.  I have a tendency to over restrict and then feel famished, which ruins the following day because I'm so hungry that I'm focusing on meeting calories and not getting enough nutrients.  Not all calories are created equally...while I could probably lose weight by consuming 1200 calories a day of junk food, I'd be starving...not to mention my health and energy levels would tank!  Conversely, I could gorge myself on 2000 calories of lettuce and, though full, would still have problems with my energy.  Balance.

Besides trying to find balance, I'm noticing that I feel great!  Less pain in my joints, much more energy...bouncing around the house and running up the stairs.  The scale, however, is an evil little mechanism...haven't lost any more weight, but I can feel the physical changes in my body.  I'm considering putting the scale away and only weighing on Saturday mornings to help with my preoccupation with the numbers.  That means still no first charm, but at least I'll be able to keep my sanity!

Perfectly Flawed

I was always the shining star in my family, though secretly my shine had tarnished years ago. I was the first grandchild, the daughter of a too-young mother and absent father. I was discarded at birth (something that one day I'll talk about) and through God's sense of hilarity, ended up back with my mother.

I guess the expectations of me started early with my family's elation that the baby on the news was their kin; everything I did was golden. When my brother and sisters came along I became the protector and role-model, but inside secret sadness destroyed me. I had 4.0 throughout school, I played the violin for years, I spoke French, I was the editor-in-chief of my church's newsletter at 13, I started interning with Bank of America at 15, I played the violin, I went to Howard University on scholarship. I was always the smartest, the sweetest, friendliest...nobody could tell that I was the loneliest.

I started injuring myself at ten years old, a vice that consumed me for the better part of twelve years. In middle school, I developed body image issues and starting binging and purging. I'd go all day without eating, secretly not wanting to eat in front of other people. When I was all alone, I'd eat anything I could find. And then I felt guilty. I threw up trying to rid myself of the shame. This became a ritual and I started losing weight. It felt good to hear my mom compliment me, for ANYTHING let alone for how I looked, but she didn't know what I was doing.

Even though I've for years been "clean" from purging and self-injury, I guess my thought process has not changed. I notice that I'm still timid about eating in front of other people...going all day without eating and then overeating because I'm starving.

This process is helping me. For the first time I'm actually eating during the day (and I notice that if I eat when I'm hungry, not starving, I actually get full very quickly) and taking the emotion out of food. Eating because I need fuel instead of comfort.

I'm looking forward to my future! Looking forward to doing things for myself. Learning how to love myself. Learning that I'm not striving for perfection, but progress.

Until next time,

Blessed Love

Baked tilapia with cherry tomatoes and sauteed zucchini

Nutrition facts: Total calories 397, Fat 2.9g, Saturated fat 0.9g, Cholesterol 48mg (16%), Sodium 506mg (21%), Dietary fiber 13.1g (52%), Sugars 6.7g, Protein 29.1g, Vitamin A 56%, Vitamin C 66%, Calcium 11%, Iron 19%

Nice, quick meal.  Baked tilapia topped with cherry tomatoes and green onion; baked yam sprinkled with cinnamon and nutmeg; sauteed zucchini, mushroom and cherry tomatoes.  I set my calorie goal for 2000 per day, about a 450 calorie daily deficit (which would amount to about a pound a week if I laid in bed all day...of course I don't plan to lay in bed all day, so I'm aiming for at least 4 pounds per week).  With today's 500 calorie lunch, ~400 calorie dinner and a little under 550 calories consumed for breakfast and snacks, I still have about 550 calories left at the end of my day.

Introductions

"Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet eating her curds and whey...along came a spider who sat down beside her and frightened Miss Muffet away!" Certainly, if this limerick were referring to me, it would say that though I was frightened, I waited until I finished eating to run (well, wobble) away!

Hello, my name is Blessed Love and I am obese! While there are many euphamisms that I use to try to make myself feel better (plump, pudgy, big-boned, fatabulous, Pretty Hot And Tempting, easy to see)...I can't escape the fact that at 28 years old, I am one of the nearly 90 million Americans who falls into the category of Obese. More accurately, my weight would classify me as MORBIDLY OBESE. Breaking the scale at over 370 pounds, I am much closer to death than I am to life...or at least what I consider really living.

This blog will chronicle my journey to find my healthy self...the version of me who doesn't need to turn sideways to enter a turnstyle and whose bra doesn't roll up like a cannoli between my fat rolls. My ultimate weight goal is 170 pounds, a 200 pound loss from my current size.  In other words, I plan to lose a pregnant woman or 14 bowling balls or 8 baby llamas...or $9,080,000 in $100 dollar bills!!!

Combining brutally honest accounts of my life-long struggle with my weight, along with tips that I've learned along the way, I hope that this journal is an inspiration for anyone who has dealt with the same issues.  I will share recipes, pictures, triumphs and shortcomings.

Welcome to Curds 'n' Weigh!

Until next time...
Blessed Love