Enabling Inability

I'm starting today off right, with a fruit salad (mango, pineapple, blueberry, strawberry), yogurt and almond milk mixed with the Super Green Drink that I bought from Trader Joe's yesterday.  Yes...I said I was going to do a juice fast and last night that failed miserably!

I started off with the best intentions...juice fast for two days to do a proper bodily cleansing after my procedure yesterday.  The day began well enough...until I got hungry.  And then the monster within took control.  It started with a couple of strawberries, hungrily gobbled as I drove from the fruit stand home...innocent enough, right?  Not an hour after drinking my after-purge juice, I finished the leftovers from Friday night's Mexican.  Still not too bad since it was low-fat and moderate calories.  Then it was as if a switch flipped and I continued to munch, chomp, gobble for the remainder of the evening.  The whole time my brain was screaming "What the hell are you doing???  You've been working so hard"...gobble..."You're undoing everything you've been working for"...swallow..."You know you're going to have to BLOG this"...nom nom nom.

The accountability of knowing I'd have to tell the truth this morning on Curds 'n' Weigh was enough to stop the binge, but not after a late-night run to Famous Dave's because both my partner and I agreed that ribs sounded delicious.  I did, at least, just get us one meal to share instead of two separate entrees...small changes right?  While there's no justification for me sucking on a rib bone at almost midnight (don't judge me!)...it simply reminds me that I must want this for myself!!!

I have the most amazing, supportive partner; however, sometimes her support comes in the form of acquiescing to whatever I desire instead of being the voice of reason when my tongue gets the best of me.  Me: "Honey, don't ribs sound good right now?"  Honey:  "Yes love.  You've been working so hard...you deserve to treat yourself."  Me:  "True, but I know that's not what I need to eat."  Honey:  "Yes, but you can take a break and treat yourself.  What kind do you want? I'll call them."  UGH!!!

I woke up this morning feeling bloated, sick to my stomach and GUILTY!  But I'm so glad today is a new day...a new chance to do the right thing.  When I fall, I just get back up and keep walking.  This will not happen overnight.

Still no first charm, but I will work harder so that I can get it soon!!!