Secrets

I have to tell you a secret.  But first, promise never to repeat it; you see this pen cuts deep and as I speak it my heart's bleeding.  Tried to pretend like it didn't happen, because if I don't remember it can't hurt me.  If I don't remember, I was just depressed.  If I don't remember, I was just sexual...even though...I don't know...what sex...is!  I was just six and yes I'm still pissed about that ish!  Why wasn't it my decision to give it up, when and who I wanted to give it up with!  And the sickness is sometimes I wonder if you still remember my name.  Because Lord knows yours is imprinted on my right brain.  This pain nearly drove me insane!  For years hating God's creation because you said it was just a game.  Told your brothers to go away as we sat in the stairwell.  Made me swear not to tell as you laid your  hand on my leg, played out scenes from shows too grown for me.  I should have begged you to stop when you always wanted to be alone with me.  When you laid me on your bed, STOP!  When you mother walked in, but you didn't STOP!  When your uncle was heavy on top of me, STOP!  Did I not because I wanted it?  I thought we were friends, back then when I believed in friends.  Stolen innocence with no recompense for lost time.  Dying inside, trying to hide a secret that never should have been mine.